When I graduated from college, I thought I knew exactly what I was going to do with my life. I was going to be a teacher! I had spent years preparing for it. I student-taught. I made lesson plans. I learned about classroom management. I bought SO much school supplies (more than any one person needs). I dreamed of having a classroom of my own.
And then I actually got one…
I became Miss Gormley. And somewhere along the way, I started asking myself a question I NEVER thought I would ask: Do I actually want to do this forever?
I think that is a scary question for a teacher to admit…especially a new one. Because I don’t hate teaching. Actually, there are parts of it that I absolutely love. I love when a student looks at me with that little lightbulb moment and goes, “OH I GET IT!!!!!” I love when a child who was nervous to participate finally raises their hand. I love the ridiculous things kids say that make you turn around and try not to laugh. I love watching kids grow throughout the year and realizing that somehow, little by little, you were a part of that. Those are the moments that made me want to become a teacher in the first place.
But there are other parts.
The paperwork. The planning. The constant feeling that there is something else I should have done. The emails. The data. The meetings. The things that follow you home even when you’re physically home. The feeling that sometimes you can give everything you have to your job and still go to bed thinking about the ten things you didn’t get done.
And honestly?
I’ve realized that I really like having a life outside of my job. I like going home and being with the people I love.
I like having hobbies.
I like creating things just because they’re fun.
I like having time when nobody needs anything from me. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.
For a long time, I think I assumed that if I was truly meant to be a teacher, I would love it ALL of it.
That I would wake up excited every morning. That I would want to spend my evenings thinking about tomorrow’s lesson. That being a teacher would become my entire identity (it did). But maybe that’s not what being a good teacher means. Maybe you can care deeply about your students and still have days where you’re counting down to dismissal. Maybe you can love teaching and still wonder if there’s another career out there that would make you happier. Maybe you can be grateful for the experience you’ve had without knowing whether you want to do it forever.
And maybe figuring that out doesn’t mean you failed.
I started this blog because I want a place to talk about all of it. The funny things. The hard things. The moments that make me cry. The moments that make me laugh so hard I have to walk away from my desk. The little victories that nobody else sees. The things I wish someone had told me before I became a teacher. And maybe, somewhere along the way,
I’ll figure out what kind of teacher I want to be. Or maybe I’ll figure out that I want to do something completely different.
I don’t know yet. And for the first time, I am trying to be okay with that.
So, welcome. I’m Miss Gormley. I am a teacher. I am learning as I go.
and apparently, I am also in progress.
